This week I have been reading The Mystery of Mercy Close by Marian Keyes. It’s a great funny book and I was especially amused by the main character, Helen’s ‘Shovel List’. Which is ‘A list of all the people and things I hate so much that I want to hit them in a face with a shovel.’ The list is constantly updated and rearranged inside Helen head. I thought it would be fun to compile my own Shovel List. Scroll down to see what made my list.
Please note, that no-one is recommending that we actually hit people in the faces with a shovel. The shovel is a metaphorical shovel and can only cause metaphorical harm.
- People saying ‘I’m just being real’ when they are actually just being rude
- Bus Drivers who won’t accept notes
- Eyelashes that dive-bomb into your eye immediately after applying eye-liner
- People who faff when it is time to leave – you know, when you’re meant to go out for lunch at 12pm but you wait 20 minutes for the girls to get it together; one just has to send an email, someone else is nipping to the loo, another has to drop something off at reception and then the first girl realises she needs to pick up a coat from her car.
- Washing up – no matter how often I do it, it needs to be done again the next day
- Phone chargers that only work every other time
- Cyclists –Every time I see you on the road, I get very anxious about overtaking you without bumping into oncoming traffic or running you over. I am sorry, you ruin my commute.
- Burnt toast
- People commenting on what I am eating – Just leave me alone
- People hinting that I am pregnant. I am not pregnant.
- Shouting preachers
- Meaningless over-use of the word ‘anointing’
- When someone gives me a job and spends twice as much time explaining it to me, than they would have spent if they had just done the job themselves in the first place.
- Splitting the bill at the end of a group meal – math is a bad way to round off a good night.
- Shoes that feel fine for an hour then proceed to torture my feet for the rest of the day
- When the music is too loud in Top Shop – I know this might be a sign of getting old
- Leggings worn as trousers
- PPI phone calls
- The phrase ‘You look tired.’ – It never helps
- Loud, obnoxious twelve year olds on their first unsupervised trip to the cinema.
- Useless Cinema ushers who ignore loud, obnoxious twelve year olds on their first unsupervised trip to the cinema
Hope you enjoyed that. Please comment to add on your own thoughts to the shovel list!