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OnPendle

Prompt from Sometimes Sweet: They say hindsight is 20/20, and with good reason- looking back at something always gives us a better view. We’re often able to really see how our choices and decisions then shaped our today, and examine what we would have done differently given the chance. When looking back though, we often look way back, but for this exercise stay a little closer to present time and look back just 12 months. If you could go back just one year, what would you tell yourself? What advice would you offer about everything you’ve experienced?

I had decided earlier this week that I wasn’t going to do this Journal post because I thought I was pretty much in the same place this year as I was last year. I am not complaining, it is not a bad place to be, but there haven’t been any major changes: same house, same job, same church…etc.

But last night I came to the last page on my current diary (yippee! Get to start a new diary today!), so I flipped back to the first page to see where I was when I started this diary and would you believe, I started this diary a year ago, on the first day of Lent. I talked about my plans on giving things up, my excitement for a couple who were expecting and just how happy I was in my first few months of marriage.

That first page is so happy, grateful and full of hope and expectation; much more cheerful than I have been feeling recently. Not that anything terrible is going on, but I just feel a bit like everything is same old, same old. I guess I would just welcome some changes.

But flicking through my diary of the last year I discovered that my past self had some optimism I could do with recapturing. And there have been two changes over this last year that although are small have made a difference in my life:

  1. I write more! Blog posts, sermons, letters, emails, dairies. I am writing more frequently than ever. I can feel a real difference in me on the days that I write compared to the days when I don’t. I am much happier, more satisfied whenever I write, even if the final product isn’t as good as I want it to be. Writing makes me happy and that has been a huge discovery. 
  2. I am much more social. This is thanks to my wonderful husband as he is the social sort and just arranges things with people so naturally, where I normally overthink it and lose confidence to invite people round convinced that no-one would really want to hang out with me. Rob has none of those insecurities and so I’ve spent a lot of weekends this last year meeting up with near-by friends, visiting far-away friends and making brand new friends. It’s been wonderful and something I think I really needed.

So I guess if I could go back in time to a year ago and speak to my younger self I would say ‘You’re on the right track. Don’t worry too much and enjoy yourself. Keep doing what you love, you are becoming a happier person.’

And I guess I would have to say the same to myself today!

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