I’ve decided to take part in the Journal Day series launched by Danielle at Sometimes Sweet. Each Sunday she gives a writing prompt for bloggers and on Thursday we post a link in the comments and see what we’ve all come up with.
This week’s prompt was: ‘We all have songs that really mean something to us. Often just hearing it can take us right back to that place and we are able to re-experience the memory associated with the song. Sometimes good, sometimes bad, but either way music has the ability to really draw things out of us and evoke deep emotion. Choose a song that has a particular meaning to you. Tell the story of the memory associated with the song, sharing as much detail as you can. Take us there; let us experience it with you.’
The song that came to my mind was a worship song, so I just wanted to pre-empt this entry to say that faith and God feature here, but I am not trying to preach or persuade anyone of anything, I just wanted to share a moment of my life, how I felt, what I thought, and what it means it me.
The day outside was bright and sunny, and I had not left the house since I came home from the hospital. I felt cooped up and grimy in my nest of blankets and cushions that had taken over the sofa and more than anything I wanted to go outside.
With my Mum’s help I put wellies on over my pyjamas. Then I put on a big straw sun hat as the wounds on my forehead needed protecting from the sunlight to reduce the scarring. I glanced at the mirror and felt pretty sure that I had worn a similar ensemble in the garden when I was little; it was strange needing my Mum to dress me in the same outfit at 23.
I walked out through the back door and stepped in to the sunshine and breathed in the brisk September air. Pure uncomplicated pleasure flooded through me. With slow cautious steps I wandered around the garden whilst my Mum busied herself with the flowerbeds. The roses and poppies were still in bloom; I went round each one gently touching their petals and pressing my face in close to catch their scent.
I worked my way up the garden slope to where the lawn ends and the wood begins. I stood in the shade of the huge sycamore tree that stands protective and strong on the border. I looked out into the trees that have been my playground and my safe retreat for as long as I can remember and had a sudden overwhelming feeling of thankfulness.
I fought back happy tears and just thought ‘I am grateful for all of it, and I’m grateful that I’m able to stand here and enjoy it still.’
My flesh was covered in so many bruises that my skin had become an abstract impression of a stormy sky, but not a bone was broken. Three front teeth were knocked out but the damage could be repaired. My head had hit the pavement with force but the brain inside was still functioning as well as it did before.
Yes, I would have rather not have been run down by a motorbike. Yes, I wish my parents hadn’t had to get that terrible phone call. Yes, I was sore, tired and dreading the weeks of dental surgeries ahead of me. But I was still standing.
A song drifted through my mind that we had recently learned in the Worship team:
You go before me, You’re there beside me,
And if I wander love will find me.
Goodness and mercy will always follow,
You go before me, my Guardian.’
The song perfectly expressed the worship that I wanted to give. I had a lot to be thankful for. I was certain more than ever that my life is in God’s hands. I don’t pretend to understand the will of God; why some lives are cut short and others are allowed a full length of years. But I know that each and every day I have, I belong to Him and am under His care.
Because just days after being run down in a stupid nonsensical accident, I could still see and feel evidence of God’s goodness around me. His kindness is in the sunshine, His joy in the roses and His faithfulness is in my legs that still uphold me. His love has found me and amazed me in every situation I have ever faced, including the ones I wish I never had to. Even when things are terrible it is not long till evidence of God’s goodness and mercy follows on, like a rainbow after a storm.
Now every time we sing ‘Guardian’ at church I think of that quiet moment in the garden, and put my trust in Him again, because He is always there and I am forever His.